Autistic masking is the practice of suppressing autistic traits and imitating neurotypical behavior to fit in socially. I make eye contact even though it's uncomfortable. I laugh at jokes I don't find funny. I pretend to follow conversations I've lost. I suppress stims. I mimic social scripts without understanding why they matter. I perform "normal" even though it's exhausting.
For years, I thought this was just part of being a good Christian witness. Don't be weird. Don't make people uncomfortable. Adapt to your audience, like Paul who became "all things to all people" (1 Corinthians 9:22). Masking seemed like wisdom, cultural sensitivity, and love for others.
Then I read Jesus's denunciations of the Pharisees: "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!" (Matthew 23:13). Hypocrite—the Greek word literally means "actor," someone playing a role. The Pharisees' sin was performing righteousness they didn't possess, maintaining appearances while their hearts were far from God.
This made me uncomfortable. Isn't masking essentially hypocrisy? I'm acting like someone I'm not, performing behaviors I don't genuinely feel, pretending to be neurotypical when I'm not. I'm literally playing a role. How is this different from the Pharisees' playacting that Jesus condemned?
The question has ethical weight. Christianity values authenticity, honesty, and "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). We're called to be the same person in public and private, to have integrity where our external presentation matches our internal reality. Masking seems to violate this.
But it's more complicated than that. All social interaction involves some degree of adaptation. Neurotypical people also modulate their behavior based on context—they act differently at work than at home, differently with strangers than with close friends. Cultural competence requires learning and following social norms that aren't instinctive to us. Is this hypocrisy, or is it wisdom and love?
Paul's statement about becoming "all things to all people" suggests that adaptation for the sake of the gospel is legitimate. He followed Jewish customs with Jewish audiences and Gentile customs with Gentile audiences. He wasn't being hypocritical; he was removing unnecessary barriers to hearing the gospel. The content of his message remained consistent even as his cultural presentation varied.
The distinction I've come to is this: adaptation motivated by love and service to others is different from pretense motivated by fear and self-protection. When I mask because I want to avoid rejection, when I'm hiding my true self because I'm ashamed of being autistic, when I'm performing normalcy to gain acceptance I don't think I deserve as myself—that's problematic. It's rooted in shame and fear rather than love.
But when I make eye contact during important conversations because it helps the other person feel heard, even though it's uncomfortable for me—that's sacrifice, not hypocrisy. When I follow social scripts I don't intuitively understand because they make others comfortable and facilitate communication—that's love, not pretense. When I suppress a stim in a solemn moment because the context calls for stillness—that's contextual appropriateness, not self-rejection.
The question is whether I'm fundamentally accepting myself as God made me while choosing how to present that self in various contexts, or whether I'm rejecting my autistic identity and pretending to be someone I'm not.
Jesus condemned hypocrisy, but He also modeled contextual wisdom. He spoke differently to children than to Pharisees, used different teaching methods with different audiences, and knew when to speak and when to remain silent. He was always fully Himself, but He adapted His approach to serve others' needs.
I think the same principle applies to masking. The goal shouldn't be to eliminate all adaptation—that's not realistic or loving. The goal should be to distinguish healthy adaptation from self-rejecting pretense.
Healthy adaptation:
- Motivated by love and service to others
- Preserves core identity while adjusting presentation
- Sustainable without leading to burnout
- Chosen freely rather than compelled by shame
- Serves communication and relationship
Self-rejecting pretense:
- Motivated by fear and shame
- Involves denying or hiding core identity
- Leads to exhaustion and burnout
- Compelled by belief I'm unacceptable as I am
- Serves image management rather than genuine relationship
I've learned to reduce unhealthy masking while maintaining healthy adaptation. I don't hide being autistic anymore. I'm open about my needs—I'll say "I need to not make eye contact right now" or "Could we continue this conversation via email?" I stim openly when I need to. I've stopped attending events that require extensive masking without genuine benefit.
But I still adapt contextually. I'll make effort to follow social norms in professional settings because it serves communication. I'll engage in small talk I find pointless because it's how neurotypical people build rapport. I'll suppress stimming in situations where it would genuinely distract from important communication.
The difference is that I'm doing this from a foundation of self-acceptance, as conscious choices to serve others, rather than from shame and fear. I'm not pretending to be neurotypical. I'm being authentically autistic while also being contextually wise about how I present that.
Jesus calls us to be "wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16). Wisdom means understanding context and adapting appropriately. Innocence means maintaining integrity and honesty. We can be both—authentically ourselves while also culturally aware and loving in how we present ourselves.
Masking isn't inherently hypocrisy, but it can become hypocrisy if it's rooted in self-rejection rather than other-service. The solution isn't to never adapt, but to adapt from a foundation of accepting how God made us, choosing our adaptations consciously and sustainably, and distinguishing between changes that serve love and changes that serve fear.